Realisations
Its times like these when i feel like a damned loser. Everything comes pouring back to haunt me, the realisations of my concerted but futile endeavours.
I can’t continue this downward spiral.. i really can’t.. it only leads to self destruction.
Haven’t been updating for awhile as my com died on me. Hopefully i can get a new one soon. i’m probably shifting to a new site too, as i want to keep my thoughts more private from now on. Time to make some changes to my life and keep thinkin positive!
Realisations, useful indeed =)
Be Still and Know
Extracted from ODB again:
As I sat in the dentist’s chair, I braced myself for the drilling that would begin my root canal. I was ready for the worst, and my body language and facial expression exposed my sense of dread. The dentist looked at me and smiled, saying, “It’s okay, Bill. Try to relax.”
That isn’t easy to do. It is actually very difficult to try (requiring effort and exertion) to relax (requiring an absence of effort and exertion). Try and relax just don’t seem to fit together—not only in the dentist’s chair, but in the spiritual realm as well.
Far too often I don’t limit my efforts of resistance to visits at the dentist’s office. In my relationship with Christ, I find myself not pressing for God’s purposes but for my own interests. In those moments, the hardest thing for me to do is “try to relax” and genuinely trust God for the outcome of life’s trials.
In Psalm 46:10, we read, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” In the moments when my heart is anxious, this verse reminds me to “be still, and know.” Now, if I can only put that into practice and rest confidently in His care, I’ll be at peace. — Bill Crowder
Yea that is indeed true, it is indeed hard to “try to relax” and genuinely trust God for the outcome of life’s trials. Often, we approach God with something we want in mind. What i’ve learnt during a recent “Lectio Divina” course on how to meditate on scriptures, is that too often we approach scripture unconsciously searching for what we want to see and for the answers that we seek, not allowing His word to fully speak to us. When we don’t find what we seek, we become disappointed and disheartened. Ok why am I using “we”? More like “I” haha.
I believe I was still enough in the dentist’s chair during my recent wisdom-draining procedure, and now i’m none the wiser heh. Spiritual realm is another thing altogether though… probably thrashing around violently and not cooperating much. I try though, I try… only by His grace.
On a separate note, today I experienced excruciating heart pain. As in literally. Happens sometimes but today was quite prolonged. Tried to grin and pretend nothing was wrong, but it was p.a.i.n.f.u.l. I wonder if a heart attack feels like that. It was ok if i rested in a certain position, but if i moved too much it would be pain. Thankfully it went away after awhile. Whats wrong with me sia… all health checks so far show nothing remotely wrong with my body. Maybe i’ll just drop dead one day haha. Oh well, I dont dread death anywyays, for all my questions can be finally answered heh =)
Fiction reveals truths that reality obscures
“Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul. “
~Marcus Aurelius
I say fiction. But yet it reveals some truths.
No Greater Love
Warning: contains scenes of blood and gore. Don’t watch if you can’t take such stuff.
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin-soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can’t deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
Take my world apart… once again take it all apart..
Measure of Love
adapted from Our Daily Bread:
On October 2, 1954, First Lieutenant James O. Conway was taking off from Boston Logan Airport, flying a plane that carried a load of munitions. When his plane became airborne, he suddenly lost power over Boston’s bay. In an instant, Conway faced a brutal choice—eject from the plane and save his own life, or crash the plane into the bay causing his own death.
If he ejected, however, the plane would crash into an East Boston neighborhood filled with homes and families. Amazingly, Conway chose to crash the plane into the bay—giving his life for the lives of others.
In John 15:13, Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” The willingness to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect others shows a heart that cares more about the needs of others than the needs of one’s self. Someone once said that “the measure of love is what one is willing to give up for it.” God the Father loved so much that He gave up His Son. Christ loved so much that He gave up His life—even taking our sins on Himself and dying in our place.
The measure of God’s love for you is great. Have you accepted His love personally? — Bill Crowder
Would I be willing to give up my life for my friends? It is easy to speak.. but different to actually do. Actions truly speak much louder than words. When the time comes, who knows how i’d react… but i’m mentally prepared to do so, thats all I can say. Sacrifice seems to be the keyword here.
It’s tough living in this world… with the choices we have to make.. but through it all, God’s love has never failed to touch me… yet i’m guilty of not always loving Him back…
zoomz
major major turnoff.. yep thats what it is. Oh wells..
F1 cars on the other hand, major major turn on. Being trackside and watching em zoom past was just phenomenal! All’s boomz and zoomz in singapore. wen i have time (which is not anytime soon), i’ll see if i can’t upload some vids.
i’m hungry.. but there’s nothin to eat now.. just have to bear it till the morrow.
Run, running all the time, running to the future..
Nostalgic-type-of-vid to go with my nostalgic mood haha. I grew up listenin to groups like No Doubt. Gwen Stefani was and still is so very awesome.
The opening even sounds like a Nintendo game!
Does God Exist?
I’m not sure if Einstein really said that, and i’m not sure if he believes in the God that i believe in.. i’m sure that he believed in some higher supernatural power tho, from reading about him before. I love this video.. the setting, the music, the feel.. is just so, right.
Do u think God exists? If so, in what form? think about it.. perhaps i’ll blog more about this soon.
The mountain ahead seems ominous.. I need the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen… to carry me through.. not by my own strength Lord.. not by my own strength..
Rob
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